


I Can't Bear To Let You Go

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 13:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert and Aaron have been friends for months but something changed a few days ago and Robert wants to get back what they once had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Bear To Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt - Robron going on their first date once they’re back together, the nervousness of asking the other out and all.
> 
> Yes I have basically skipped over the next few months for that I apologise but will look into writing about the trial etc as per prompts. 
> 
> For my Trash Mouth <3

  
Aaron had been through hell and back in the last few months what with his attempt to bury his feelings and run away being squandered by a unexpected confession of love followed by his own confession which set about a whole world of pain and suffering leading to his inevitable stint in the psych ward but after the court case was finally over and justice had been served to the monster he called his father and he'd made some good progress with his mental health life in Emmerdale was slowly returning to normal whatever normal was.

Robert had been Aarons rock these last few months in fact they’d been pretty much inseparable, Aaron had practically moved in across at Vics just to be close to Robert. Robert was the only person who knew all the details and the only person Aaron had allowed close enough to comfort him. it was Robert he’d missed the most when he’d checked himself in to the hospital, was told it was Robert who he cried out for during those first few lonely nights. It was for Robert he fought to get better and it was Robert who he went back to after his release much to his mother’s annoyance but it was the simple fact that Robert made him feel safe for the first time in a long time. There were nights especially during the trial that Aaron couldn’t sleep without the rhythmic thudding of Roberts heart in his ears as his head rested on Roberts chest, wrapping himself around his body Roberts hand moving in continuous circles on his back, comforting him. It was on those nights that his trust in Robert grew and knew the words he’d said that night, had been whispering every night since were true, Robert really did love him. inevitably something had to give he couldn’t stay holed up in keepers cottage forever they both knew it and when Aaron decided he was ready to move back in with his mum the dynamic seemed to change between them, like they didn’t know where they stood with each other anymore. Aaron knew Robert loved him but if he was completely honest with himself there was still apart of him even after everything they’d been through that felt like he didn’t deserve Roberts love or anyone’s for that matter. It was a darkness that had been inside Aaron for as long as he could remember, a darkness he battled daily just to survive.

He'd been back at the scrapyard for a few days now and each day Robert had found an excuse to pop over, be it the accounts or a new business contact but they both knew it was just so he could check up on Aaron and today was no different when he walked through the door looking a little flustered.

“Alright?” Aaron questioned when he saw the state of Robert, his thick blonde hair stuck up as if he’d spent the best part of the morning running his hands through it.

“Yeah yeah, just erm come to check on the erm accounts,” Robert mumbled, his breath hitching at the sight of the younger man.

“Yeah right,” Aaron chuckled,

“Pretty sure they are the same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that,” Aaron gestured over and over again with his hands.

“What!” Robert cried,

“I can't check on my..........,” his eyes boring into Aarons before he gulped,

“Investment.”

The inevitable blush that rose across Aarons cheeks a clear sign they both knew what Robert really meant.

“Didn't say that did I,” Aaron said almost sadly before returning to the mountain of paperwork Adam had let pile up in his absence, he actually thought it was sweet that Robert was checking up on him but he would never say that out loud.

Robert knew it was a feeble excuse, the same one he’d used for days but he had an innate need to take care of Aaron nowadays, one that had grown exponentially over the last few months, his worry only increasing when Aaron had decided to return to work not only that but return to the pub as well, leaving Robert alone with his thoughts which was never a good thing.

As Robert sat at Adams empty desk and looked over the same pages he’d seen yesterday, Aaron has been right nothing had changed, his hands began to sweat. The reason he’d been coming over every day was partly to check on Aaron but also he was trying to build enough courage to ask Aaron where they stood now that things were settling down again and he thought that asking Aaron out on a real date would do that. There was only one problem, he’d never asked anyone out on a date before let alone the man he was hopelessly in love. His leg started to bounce on the spot which made Aaron look up from his own work questioningly.

“Seriously mate you alright you look a bit……” Aaron hummed studying Roberts face before nodding when he’d figured it out,

“Weird.”

“Charming,” Robert scoffed in response but knew what Aaron had meant, he even felt weird, could feel his stomach churning from his nerves.

They both turned back to the work well Aaron did, Robert stared blankly at the accounts the numbers blurring as he wracked his brain to try and find a way to ask Aaron out. Aaron shifted slightly in his chair the creak of the plastic breaking through Roberts trance, and as he looked up his eyes caught the three flights sticking up out of the mug on Adams desk. His eyes flashed to the dartboard that hung to his right then to Aaron who was still hunched over his work and back down to the mug as an idea began to form in his head. He picked the darts up and cleared his throat to get Aaron attention.

“301?” he asked moving around to stand in front of Aaron and holding out the darts towards him trying not to think about the rejection he’d felt the last time he’d asked Aaron to play.

This time however he was ready with a comeback as Aaron scoffed,

“So it’s alright for you to play darts at work but not me?”

Aaron could see the unease settle on Roberts face at his jibe.

“Besides no time, I’m swamped here if ya hadn’t noticed,” he said more gently, using his eyes to indicate the every growing pile of paperwork still on his desk.

“Tonight then?” Robert asked hopefully, fiddling with the darts in his hands, his eyes never fully meeting Aarons.

“Actually yeah after the morning Adam an I’ve ad a pint would be great.”

Roberts face fell at the mention of Adams name but he recovered quickly.

“Oh right well,” Robert stuttered looking back at Adams desk,

“Yeh….. erm right I'll erm see ya later then,” the metal of the darts clinking against the mug as he threw them back down dejectedly.

“You could look a little more excited about the prospect of spending the night with me…………”

Aaron smiled chewing the inside of his mouth before he realised what he’d said and rushed to correct himself,

“US! I meant us.”

Robert eyes widened at Aarons choice of words because more than anything he wanted to spend the night with Aaron alone just the two of them.

“Tonight then,” Robert almost whispered looking back once more at a bashful Aaron before he retreated.

As soon as the door closed behind him his whole body sank in defeat he really thought today was going to be the day he would finally have to nerve to ask Aaron out but instead of the intimate date he’d hoped for he would now be spending his Friday night in the pub with Aaron and his brother in law. When he thought about it though he couldn't really be that upset it because at the end of it he would still be spending time with Aaron and that's all that mattered right?

*

“What's up with Rob?” Adam asked in greeting as he barged through the door flicking the switch on the kettle in their makeshift kitchen as he did so.

“What ya on about?” Aaron grumbled looking up from his desk and running his hand down his face, he was beginning to get a headache and he wasn’t sure of the cause.

“Rob!”

The sound of Roberts name made him turn in his chair so he was now facing Adam as he stood making the tea.

“Just seen him on ma way in ere and he looks like someone just told him leather jackets are no longer in fashion,” Adam laughed at his own joke.

“Oh he's been like that for days,” Aaron brushed Adams comment off but he couldn't help notice the same thing, something was definitely up.

“What's going on with you two anyways? Adam quizzed more out of curiosity than anything else as he placed a brew on top of the pages Aaron was working on.

“Don't know what ya mean,” Aaron shrugged biting his lip but Adam knew what that look meant,

“Oh ey,” he winked,

“Like that is it?” he added when he noticed the blush on his friends face.

“Shud up ya muppet he’s just a mate.”

“You don’t look at me like that,” Adam gushed battering his eyelashes at his best mate.

“Aww you getting a jealous?” Aaron jested as he shoved Adam away, pleased to move on from the subject of Robert, he may have told Adam they were just mates but they both knew they were so much more.

“Nah lad he’s welcome to ya,” Adam chuckled with a slurp of his tea,

“You still doing that paperwork?”

“Yeah, did you actually do anything while I was gone?” Aaron huffed out.

“You could always ask Robert to help,” Adam teased his best mate the place hadn’t been the same without him.

“Sod off,” Aaron called throwing the closest thing to hand at his friend, which happened to be a box of tissues.

“Oi!” Adam laughed which in turned caused Aaron to laugh.

This was what Aaron had missed the most about not being at work, the easy banter between them, he treated him just the same as before.

“He’s erm invited us to the pub later.”

“Who? Rob?” Adam cried in disbelief.

Aaron nodded subconsciously scraping his teeth long his bottom lip.

“What? Both of us?” Adam questioned knowing that Robert would never have intentionally invited him if it wasn’t for Aaron, they didn’t exactly get along, but efforts had been made over the past few months, for Aarons sake of course.

“Yeah course, reckons he can beat you at darts an all,” Aaron added in the hopes that the challenge would be enough for Adam to just accept.

“Oh it’s on,” Adam vowed, he loved a challenge.

*

Robert spent the rest of the day mopping around back at Vics, even though he’d lived there for months he still thought of it as hers and not his although it had left like home up until a few nights ago, he really thought his plan would work but it seemed when it came to spending time alone with Aaron these days there was always something in the way or someone. Adam.

He was still sulking when he heard the front door slam and knowing it was Adam returning from work he made is way down the stairs hoping to hear any snippet of Aarons day.

“Reckon you can beat me at darts do ya?” Adam called in greeting when he noticed Robert in the hall.

“Anytime,” Robert smirked.

“You better bring ya A game tonight then, said we’d meet Aaron in a hour that alright with you?”

Robert shrugged in answer.

“That is if I’m still invited,” Adam joked clasping Roberts shoulder.

“Why….” Robert coughed in an attempt to cover his embarrassment,

“Erm why wouldn’t ya be?”

“Just asking,” Adam smiled knowingly before heading upstairs to shower the day off.

Robert sighed to himself; perhaps a drink wasn’t the best idea for his eventual date with Aaron, at least not in Emmerdale anyway. He followed Adam up the stairs and headed to his box room. He had an hour, he didn’t want to look like he was making an effort and he didn’t want to look like he wasn’t. It took 20 minutes to decide he’d be wearing his signature leather jacket over the top of a black t shirt he wasn’t entirely sure was his.

“You coming or what?” Robert grumbled somewhat reluctantly in Adams general direction when he came into the living room a few minutes before the hour was up retreating back into the hallway as Adam said goodbye to Vic.

“What’s up with im?” Vic questioned her husband about her brother’s recent behaviour adding,

“He’s had a face like thunder for days.”

“Yeah ever since Aaron moved out,” Adam winked.

“Talk to im would ya,” Vic asked in that sweet yet stern voice that made Adam know it wasn’t a request.

“Come off it Vic he’s your brother and Aarons me best mate I ain’t getting involved besides I already tried with Aaron early,” he said lowering his voice but not low enough to stop Robert from overhearing as he crept closer to the door at the mention of Aarons name.

“And?” Vic waited impatiently.

“He said they were just mates,” Adam said with a shrug before kissing her cheek and jumping up off the sofa.

“Hmmm,” Vic puzzled over what Adam had just said, she’d watched the two of them, Aaron and her brother, grow close over the last few months and could tell how much they meant to each other, she just wished she could bang their heads together to make them see sense but she'd promised Robert, reluctantly, she wouldn’t interfere.

Roberts whole body seemed to sag as he overheard Adam whispering to Vic, if that’s really what Aaron thought he had no chance, yes he’d been there for him just like he’d promised, he would always be there for him, but he’d also thought that once Aaron had come to terms with everything that maybe just maybe he’d give him a second chance. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that him and Aaron would never be more than mates as he followed an ever cheerful Adam across the road.

*

“Pretty sure that’s my shirt you got on there,” Aaron winked as Robert slid into the booth.

Robert looked down at the plain black shirt he was sporting; he knew full well it was Aarons, that’s why he’d chosen it.

“I can always give it ya back,” he smirked and started to remove his jacket.

“Nah keep it….erm looks good on ya,” Aaron swallowed his eyes fixed on the tight black material adorning Roberts chest.

Robert grin grew wider as Aaron tried to hide his blush by downing the rest of his pint.

“Now then mate,” Adam greeted Aaron with a pint for them all earning him a quick

“Cheers,” from the pair of them.

Adam and Aaron soon fell into a deep conversation about the deal they had lined up for the next day leaving Robert to silently observe the pair as they forget about him completely. Robert studied Aarons face and his stomach flipped when he heard the joyous tones of his laugh at something Adam said, why can’t I make him laugh like that he groaned to himself as he downed the rest of his pint wallowing in his own self-pity. His face must have betrayed his thoughts because when his eyes found Aarons again he was frowning at him.

“Another?” Robert gestured his empty glass to which Adam replied,

“Yeah sound mate,” as Aaron continued to stare for a moment before Adam pulled his attention away from the tall blonde.

“Three pints please Diane,” Robert sighed full of disappointment when he made it to the bar.

“You alright pet?” Diane asked noticing his glum features which was unusual as he was often more cheery having been in Aarons company.

He looked back over his shoulder at Aaron who was sat too close to Adam for his liking or was it the fact that since that night he'd made an effort to avoid physical contact with Aaron in public when all he wanted to do was close the distance between them and embrace him and whisper everything was going to be okay but he'd held back terrified of pushing Aaron too far. In that moment he hated Adam for his goofy grin the way he was so at ease when he was around Aaron.

“Don't take it personally Robert.”

“How can I not?” Robert whined.

“Just give him time,” Diane said placing a reassuring hand on his arm.

“Give who time…..oh,” Chas nodded as she saw Adam and her son chatting away behind Robert.

Robert looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment and Chas not wanting his outburst to upset Aaron gestured for him to follow her around the bar and out of Aarons view. Aaron noticed his mum out the corner of his eye and was about to call out to her when he saw her usher Robert into the back. The furrow on his brow grew deepen as he wondered what the hell his mum and Robert had to talk about.

“Be right back,” he said to Adam as he got up from his seat, his eyes focused on his destination.

“Spill,” Chas demanded of Robert as she pushed the door to.

“I love him,” Robert breathed like that was explanation enough.

“I know you do and so does he.”

“Does he? I don't wanna push him Chas I know he needs time but I....oh I don't know.....I just miss him that's all and now he's back at work it's like he doesn't need me anymore.”

“Of course he does,” Chas maintained, it had taken her a while to accept the fact that her son had chosen to fall with love with Robert but he had, even if he was denying it the both of them, there was no hiding how they felt about each other when they were together.

Robert looked up at Chas, a few months back they couldn't even stand to be in the same room together but now after everything they had become acquainted due to their love for Aaron.

“He told Adam we were mates,” Robert confessed the real reason he was so upset.

“Well aren’t ya?”

“Just mates,” Robert reiterated.

“Oh I see, but…” Chas started before she was cut off.

“I know okay I know, if that’s what he wants than that’s what I’ll take because I can’t lose him Chas I just can’t,” Robert cried.

“And maybe that’s what love is right?” Robert nodded to Chas but he was talking to himself,

“To be constantly scared to loose someone but all of this Chas,” he grabbed hold on his chest to indicate not only the love he felt for Aaron but the pain that pushing him too far could mean he’d lose him forever.

“It’s worth it just….he’s worth it and I will be whatever he needs me to be but I can’t help wanting more. I see him with Adam and wish he could be like that we me. And I know I’m being selfish but when it comes to him I can’t help myself and I know he might never be ready for more but I have to try,” Robert gushed thankful that Chas stayed quiet and just listened.

“Come here ya daft sod, no one’s gonna be losing anyone ya hear me, you know what our Aarons like,” Chas chimed as he pulled Robert in for a quick hug.

Chas had become somewhat of an ally to Robert over the past few weeks, she listened to him and kept him going when it was all getting a bit much, reminded him of his love for her son and right now he needed that more than anything.

Aaron had heard everything from his position outside the door, he knew he shouldn’t have been listening but couldn’t stop himself, he knew something was wrong with Robert and had been for a few days, well ever since he’d had returned to work so if listening helped him figure out what was wrong then so be it. He never expected to hear what Robert said and as he made his way back to the bar he knew that sooner or later they would have to talk.

“You alright lad?” Adam asked Aaron as he sat back down,

“You look a little…..”

“I’m fine,” Aaron dismissed his concern with a wave of his hand as he picked up his glass.

The conversation was soon back in full swing and Aaron couldn’t help but think how much easier things were with Adam partly because that’s how things had always been between them but mostly due to the fact he didn’t know all the sordid details like Robert did, he could still be his old self around him and not have him worry about saying the wrong thing. With Robert it was different, Robert knew him more than anyone ever had and if Aaron was honest the level of intimacy they shared scared him.

Robert came out from behind the bar looking for all intense and purpose no worse than when he’d left but Aaron knew different, could tell by the slope of his shoulders and the set of his jaw than he was upset so when he made his way to the bathroom instead of towards him Aaron hissed out,

“Piss,” to Adam before hastily following Robert.

As Aaron pushed opened the door to the men’s toilet Robert was stood in front of the sink, water dripping from his noise from where he’d just splashed his face. His eyes caught Aarons in the mirror and he let out a sad laugh to which Aaron gave a half smile in return.

“I heard what ya said to me Mum.”

“I don’t know what….,” Robert started his eyes still glued to Aarons reflection.

“Come off it Robert I know okay.”

“It’s not exactly a secret is it,” Robert scoffed as he turned to face the younger man.

“What isn’t?” Aaron questioned.

“The fact I love you.”

“I know you do,” Aaron said softly.

“But you don’t…” Robert whispered sadly closing the distance between them with on quick stride, his hand reaching out to cup Aarons cheek the pad of this thumb stroking the coarse hair of his stubble the action so intimate Aaron closed his eyes.

Robert smiled before he noticed Aarons reaction and took it as rejection of his touch.

“Sorry don’t answer that okay I had no right to ask,” Robert said dropping his hand and walking away heading straight for the bar to wash away his sorrows with the burn of scotch.

Aaron felt the rush of air behind him and knew that when he opened his eyes Robert would be gone. He didn’t know what to say to him, hadn’t really thought about it he knew he needed Robert now in order to survive the darkness but needed him how, as a friend or more?

*

Robert headed straight to the bar and ordered a double scotch, neat followed closely by a second. When he turned back towards the booth Aaron had already taken his seat next to Adam. Robert would feel the warmth of the amber liquid burn through his body and stumbled slightly carrying three pints across the room.

“Shit,” Robert muttered when placed the drinks down, the contents of the glasses spilling over the sides.

“Wooh mate you alright there?” Adam chuckled looking at Aaron and cocking his head towards Aaron who just rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” Robert spat back nastily.

“Robert,” Aaron warned.

“What?” Robert replied gruffly his ice blue eyes filling with tears as he stared at the younger man before his eyes moved back to his hands in his lap.

Aaron huffed out a ragged breath, he hated being in the middle of his two best friends or should he say his best mate and whatever Robert had become to him now. He hated it even more when he felt the distance between himself and Robert, all he had to do was to tell Robert how he felt but he wasn’t even sure he knew himself the darkness clouded everything making it hard to know what was real.

“Darts?” Adam directed towards Aaron failing to notice how Roberts eyes shot back up towards

Aarons who looked at Robert with an apologetic shrug before nodding at Adam,

“Sure,” and shoving his arm playfully into Adams to get him to move out the booth.

Robert sat sulking in the corner, nursing his pint as he watched the pair laugh and joke across the room. They played game after game seemingly forgetting Robert had even joined them leaving Robert to reminisce back to when he’d first laid eyes on Aarons best friend, the night his sister had told him that Adam was the love of Aarons life. He still felt the pang of jealous run through him even now when he knew they were nothing more than friends. He’d always been jealous of Adam, of Aarons love for Adam. The more he watched them the more he dwelled on the fact that Aaron would never love him again, not in the way he wanted and the more he drank until it was difficult to see straight.

“Oh come on mate that was a fluke,” Adam laughed as he reached for what was left of his pint.

“Nah that was pure skill,” Aaron goaded him, his smile fading as he took in the mess of blonde hair in front of him.

“Ha forgot he was even here,” Adam joked as he was Robert slumped half asleep in the booth, hands still wrapped around his pint glass.

“Adam,” Aaron scolded as Robert groaned at them both in some sort of greeting.

“Soz,” Adam smiled at his best friend he knew Aaron well enough to know that he still harboured feelings for his old flame even if he was reluctant to admit it.

“You gonna be alright with im?” Adam asked nodding towards a very drunk Robert who had now slid down in the booth so much so that only his head and shoulders were visible above the table.

“You wanna walk him back home?” Aaron offered indicating to the now slurring Robert.

“Arun, aarun.”

“Nah,” Adam chuckled at the state of his brother in law,

“You’re alright let him sleep it off eh? Need a hand getting him upstairs?”

“Tis kay you get off,” Aaron pointed to the door.

“Sound, catch ya later,” Adam replied secretly pleased that he didn’t have to explain to his wife why her brother was so drunk, he didn’t know why but he could hazard a guess Aaron was the cause of it.

“Oi don’t forget about that deal in the morning yeah,” Aaron reminded him.

“It’s all in here mate,” Adam said pointing to his temple.

“That’s what im afraid of,” Aaron smirked.

Robert groaned as he felt Adams hand on his shoulder in farewell.

“Good luck,” Adam called back to Aaron laughing to himself as he made his way home.

“Come on sleepy head, it's bedtime for you,” Aaron directed at the blonde head of hair as he tried to arouse a very drunk Robert.

“You love im though don’t ya?” Robert slurred as his eyes struggled to focus on Aaron.

“Who?” Aaron questioned as he struggled to pull Robert up to a standing position.

“Who else?” Robert mumbled his whole body turning towards the door Adam had just left through making Aaron stumble as he tried to hold him up right.

“What Adam?” Aaron scoffed as he directed Robert behind the bar and through to the back room.

Aaron didn’t even have to think about it of course he loved Adam just as Adam loved him so it was easy for him to tell Robert,

“Yeah yeah I do,” as he guided him to the sofa leaving him to get him a glass of water.

“And you hate me?” Robert grumbled as he watched Aaron walk away.

“What? Robert where is this coming from?” Aaron asked as he placed the glass in front of Robert he couldn’t help thinking about how Robert had done the same for him a few months back under extremely different circumstances but still the similarities didn’t go unnoticed.

“I know it’s my fault,” Robert garbled as he dribbled the water back out of his mouth and the front of his shirt.

“I don’t know what you’re on about mate, come on,” Aaron said taking the glass back off him before he could spill anymore.

“It’s all my fault I know okay, I ruined everything that day,” Robert grabbed Aarons arm as he moved away from him.

“What day?” Aaron asked nervously looking down at where Roberts hand lay on his arm trying to ignore the warmth that spread out from his touch.

“It dunt matter none of it matters now,” Robert said sadly as it tried to get up.

“Where do ya think you’re going?” Aaron barked gruffly.

“Dunno,” Robert sulked he didn’t want to ask for what he really wanted afraid of Aarons rejection

“Well ya can’t go anywhere in that state can ya? Up the stairs.”

Robert looked back at Aaron in shock before a small smirk began to spread across his face.

“You can sleep on the floor,” both knowing that arrangement wouldn’t last long but they pretended anyway as Aaron helped Robert climb the stairs.

He sat Robert on his bed as he fetched a blanket and a pillow which he set out on the floor next to him and pulled off Roberts shoes before heaving him down on to the floor, the pair of them laughing as Aaron stumbled and fell on top of Robert. Aaron was so close to Robert he could smell the sweet alcohol on his breath as their eyes locked and the laughing stopped.

“You smell like a brewery mate,” Aaron laughed to cover up how nervous he felt being that close to Robert again before he backed away from whatever was about to happen between them as Robert cringed at Aarons last word.

Even as Aaron retreated desire for the younger man continued to pool in Roberts stomach fuelled by the alcohol running through his veins and the closeness of Aaron just moments ago but that feeling was soon replaced by one of despair as the alcohol in his system unlocked his fears of rejection as he watched Aaron undress in the darkness and climb into his bed.

“I’m sorry,” Robert whispered up from his spot on the floor.

“For getting so pissed ya should be,” Aaron joked.

“No for that day at the scrapyard,” the regret he felt clearly audible in his tone.

So that’s the day he was taking about Aaron thought to himself as he pulled the covers around him.

“When I said….”

“Just leave it Robert yeah?” Aaron said harshly, he didn’t want to be reminded of all the hateful things Robert had said that day.

“I can’t,” Robert cried sitting up in the darkness trying to ignore the nausea he felt from the sudden movement.

“There was never anyone else there was……………is……..you. Only you. It’s always been you,” Robert admitted out into the darkness.

“Don’t,” Aaron whispered.

“You need to hear it. I’m sorry okay I was an idiot I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“But ya did,” Aaron spat back just as harshly as he had when Robert had confessed he still had feelings for him before everything else happened.

“The stuff about ya Mum,” Robert whimpered.

“That’s what ya going with?” Aaron scoffed.

“I know we haven’t always gotten on but she loves ya.”

“She does?” Aaron questioned her love for him constantly especially now, after what he’d told her, how could anyone love him after that?

“I’ve seen it…..well…..you know.”

Aaron nodded not sure Robert could see him but afraid if he spoke his voice would betray the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks.

Robert laid back down knowing the nausea wasn’t just from the drink now it was from the words he’d said to Aaron all those months ago words he could never take back.

“I’m sorry Aaron I’m so sorry please can you ever forgive me?” Robert cried softly.

“Robert its fine,” Aaron sniffed as he curled himself up into his duvet.

“It’s not,” Robert sobbed,

“The things….oh god Aaron the things I said.”

“Just go to sleep yeh.”

“About Jackson.”

“Robert I’m warning ya don’t.”

“I’m sorry Aaron I’m so sorry.”

“Just forget it,” Aaron insisted and just when he thought he’d finally gone to sleep Roberts low voice interrupted the darkness.

“I love you,” Robert mumbled his voice thick with tears,

“And I love them, all of them there a part of you and it just shows how brave you are because you are Aaron you are so brave and…” Robert paused as the sobbing stole his voice,

“I love you.”

“So you keep saying,” Aaron muttered under his breath after he heard Roberts sobs turn into a gentle snore grateful that Robert couldn’t see him biting his lip in response to his words.

An hour later, still staring in to the darkness, knowing Robert was so close yet unable to rest without him next to him, he heard Robert get up and use the bathroom, the unmistakable sound of retching coming through the thin walls and knew Robert had just emptied his stomach contents down the drain.

Robert felt surprisingly better after throwing up, stumbling down the stairs a for a glass of water and after rinsing his mouth out and using the spare toothbrush he knew Diane kept in the bathroom cabinet he headed back to Aarons room only to pause in the doorway. His eyes moved from Aarons sleeping form to his makeshift bed on the floor and back again. Deciding to throw caution to the wind and knowing they’d both sleep better together he eased himself in besides Aaron careful not to wake him but the need to feel close to him took over as he pulled him back into his chest.

“Coming in are ya?” Aaron grumbled but willingly allowed himself to be pulled into Roberts arms knowing it was the only way he’d get to sleep now, the last few nights without him had been torture and all he wanted to do was sleep.

Robert ignored the stab of pain he felt from Aarons question because he knew it was what they wanted, needed and even though his heart was hammering inside his chest just holding Aaron like that felt right.

“I love you,” Robert mumbled as he pulled Aaron even tighter into him and finally closed his eyes for the night.

*

“Oh my god what happened last night?” Robert asked his hand flying to his forehead as the dull ache of a hangover loomed over him.

“You don’t remember?” Aaron laughed sadly as he placed a steaming cup of coffee on his nightstand for Robert who was still tucked up in his bed, the sight of him wrapped up in Aarons covers sent shivers down his spine in a such a way Aaron has almost forgotten what it felt like to want someone like that.

He dismissed the thought with a shake of his head and perched on the end of the bed bringing his own cup to lips and slurping noisily laughing again at Roberts upheaval.

“That bad?” Robert grimaced when he noticed Aarons smirk.

“Just confessing your undying love for me,” Aaron smiled.

“Nothing new there then,” Robert utter under his breath.

“But I think we need to talk,” Aaron said cautiously.

“Talk?” Robert gulped as Aaron bit his lip.

“I might need coffee first,” Robert joked hoping to delay whatever Aaron wanted to say to him still so scared of his rejection.

Aaron pointed to the mug he’d brought up for Robert.

“Thanks,” Robert mumbled as he sat up gingerly his head pounding. With his back resting against Aarons headboard he checked the time on his phone.

“Why did ya let me sleep so late?”

“Trust me you needed it.”

“So what did you want to talk about?” Robert asked nervously as he brought the cup to his mouth missing completely the hot liquid spilling down his chest causing him to leap up from the bed as he cried,

“Hot hot hot.”

Aaron jumped up too fetching a towel automatically mopping up the brown liquid from Roberts torso, he didn’t even realised Robert was shirtless until he began to trace the outline of his star shaped scar with the towel. Aaron swallowed thickly embarrassed that he’d let himself get lost in the task of cleaning Roberts chest and quickly moved across the room, putting the bed in-between them.

Roberts eyes had closed as Aarons hands roamed over his skin, he relished in the feel of him even through the thick cotton his could feel the heated trail left by Aaron touch and the coldness as Aaron moved away from him.

“What did you want to talk about?” Robert asked as his eyes found Aarons flushed cheeks unable to stop the beam that spread across his face, even if Aaron didn’t want to admit it Robert knew his body still desired him and that was all the confirmation Robert needed.

He wouldn’t push Aaron into anything because he didn’t want to ruin what they had but he also wanted more and to know that somewhere inside him Aaron felt the same, maybe on today or tomorrow or next week or next month even but one day was enough for Robert to keep fighting.

“This,” Aaron whispered, lifting his chin up to the bed,

“And the fact we spent the night together.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Robert offered feebly in explanation for his late night bed hopping.

“Besides it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

Aarons skin blazed at Roberts words.

“Erm I meant you know, share a bed,” Robert stammered at Aarons reaction to his words, how was it that when I came to Aaron he lost the ability to function.

“That’s the problem isn’t it?”

“What?” Robert exclaimed.

“People are gonna know you stayed over,” Aaron stated more for Roberts benefit then his own, he still wasn’t sure if Robert wanted their sleeping arrangements to be made public.

 _‘So’_ Robert wanted to scoff but bit his tongue instead as Aaron continued.

“I can’t do this Robert.”

“Do what?” Robert shook his head; they hadn’t done anything they hadn’t done a hundred times before.

“Whatever this is it’s too confusing,” Aaron confessed, pointing between the two of them.

“You meant it didn’t you?” Robert said sadly realising that maybe he’d read everything wrong.

“What?”

“What you said to Adam.”

“I don’t know Robert,” Aaron said honestly and once again feeling the darkness creeping in he added,

“I don’t know why your still here.”

“Yes you do,” Robert whispered.

“I know that but why are you here right now?”

“Because I was jealous and I got drunk,” Robert snapped in frustration before uttering a small,

“Sorry,” it wasn’t Aarons fault he was jealous of Adam.

“Jealous? Jealous of what?” Aaron asked ignoring the spite in Roberts words.

“Adam and you, you just make it look so simple and I……..nevermind,” Robert turned away slightly running his hands through his hair giving Aaron an uninterrupted view of his freckled chest, a chest that had over the past few months become more defined from all the hours was putting in at the scrapyard even when he wasn’t needed.

Aaron felt himself staring and reluctantly peeled his eyes away from the pale skin and picked up one of his own t shirts and threw it across the room at Robert whose eyes were not glued to Aarons lip between his teeth.

“Can you at least put some clothes on what’s me Mum gonna say if she see ya?”

“She just wants you to be happy,” Robert shrugged, causing Aaron to snort at the last word.

“Don’t you deserve a chance to be happy Aaron?” Robert asked as he pulled on the shirt, the tightness once again letting him know it wasn’t his but he kept it on all the same inhaling slightly as the material grazed over his face.

Happy wasn’t a word often associated with Aaron, there had been a time but that felt like another person, another lifetime ago. Now there was only darkness, but last night having Robert back in his bed had helped lift some of that darkness hadn’t it?

 _‘And I think I can make you happy,’_ Robert continued in his head but chose to say,

“And………..oh forget it,” Robert groaned softly as he picked up his makeshift bed and began folding the sheets.

“No, come on Robert I said I wanted to talk so tell me.”

“Fine,” Robert said dropping the bed sheets and turning to face Aaron his eyes pleading for Aaron to finally hear him.

“I-I think we owe it to ourselves to a least try,” Robert pleaded adding a,

“If you want,” quietly with a shrug of his shoulders still so unsure of Aarons feelings towards him.

“Try? Try what?” Aaron questioned but he already knew the answer.

“Us Aaron, this,” he said pointing between them,

“Whatever this is, a…a couple,” Robert breathed out waiting for Aarons objection but when it didn’t come he carried on,

“A chance at being normal whatever that is, no secrets, no hiding just me and you.”

Robert took a deep breath and realised he just laid everything he’d been trying to say to Aaron for days out in just a few seconds, a good night’s sleep will do that.

Aaron was stunned into silence he knew how Robert felt about him sure but he never expected he wanted to actually try at being a couple he wasn’t sure if he was ready for any of that yet especially with Robert, but as he looked at the blonde mess who was currently stood in his bedroom he knew that even after everything they’d been through Robert had proven to Aaron that he could be trusted with his darkest secret but could Aaron confess his deepest secret of all to the man that professed to love him, he wasn’t so sure.

Robert folded his unslept in sheets from the night before and placed them on Aarons bed, his eyes flicking towards Aaron every few seconds as he watched the indecision play out across his face. It was just a drink Robert thought to himself and as he turned to leave he decided he wasn’t leaving without a date.

“I’ll pick you up at 7,” Robert hesitated at the door.

“You what?” Aaron puzzled as he turned to see Robert in the doorway not sure how long he’d been lost in his own thoughts.

“7 Aaron be ready,” Robert said giddily and left, leaving Aaron to wonder what the hell he’d just agreed to.

*

“How’s Aaron,” Vic asked with a smile when Robert finally returned back home after staying out all night.

“Good,” Robert said as neutrally as possible but the giddiness he was feeling about later that night shone through.

“Go on then,” Vic pestered as Robert hung in the doorway to the living room.

“What?” Robert exclaimed failing to hide his ever growing smile.

“You’re telling me that that,” Vic said pointing to the beam on her brothers face,

“Is nothing?”

“He well erm I think I just erm date tonight.” Robert stammered he could hardly believe it himself but it was true, tonight he was taking Aaron out on their first ever real date and he couldn’t be happier.

“What!” Vic cried with glee,

“Finally.”

“What’s going on,” Adam grumbled as he padded into the living room past Robert and slumped down on the sofa.

Robert desperately shook his head at Vic he didn’t want anyone else to know for Aarons sake but it was too late.

“Roberts got a date,” Vic shrieked looking at her husband.

“What when how?” Adam feigned interest for a few seconds.

“You should be asking who.”

“Not,” Adam paused as the excitement in Vics voice grabbed his attention.

“Yep,” Vic nodded enthusiastically.

“No way! He finally succumbed to ya then mate, about time,” Adam

“What do ya mean?” Robert stepped through the door wanting to know more.

“He’s been pining over ya for days at the yard.”

“What really?” Roberts eyes widened in shock, so Aaron had been feeling the same as he had been over the last few days, he was obviously better at hiding it than he was.

Vic shook her head at her husband who coughed and deepened his voice.

“Erm yep no well, brew anyone?” Adam grunted not waiting for an answer before making a hasty exit.

“Vic? Robert questioned his eyes pleading with hers that what Adam said was true,

“Is that….is that true? Does he really….” but for some reason his couldn’t produce the word, if he said it out loud and Vic and Adam were wrong he’d be crushed.

“Look Rob we all know that you and Aaron belong together okay,” Vic reassured him.

“We do?” Robert frowned.

“Yes,” Vic said nodding her head at her brother’s ignorance,

“But you’ve got to remember what Aarons been through.”

Robert looked at his sister like she’d lost her mind; the memories of that night and the weeks and months that followed where he’d thought he’d lost Aaron forever would stay with him until the day he died.

“Not just that but yes that, but everything, coming out, Jackson, the self harm, the affair,” Vic quipped.

“It’s easy to list what’s wrong in his life Vic I know that but I want to be the thing that makes it right again, all I want is to make him happy.”

Vic practically swooned at how romantic her big brother sounded.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” Vic offered with a loving smile.

“Proud of me why?”

“Just come her ya idiot.”

Vic dragged him towards her for a brief hug and as he stepped back slightly uncomfortable from the sudden affection.

“Just take it slow yeh, he’s healing too remember,” Vic reminded him.

“I know Vic I’m not gonna fuck it up this time I love him,” Robert promised not only Vic but himself too.

“I know ya do Rob and so does he.” Vic smiled fondly as the frown deepened Roberts face.

“You really think so?”

“Trust me,” Adam called from the kitchen letting them both know he’d been listening in.

And with that thought in mind Robert headed up the stairs to get ready for whatever his night alone with Aaron would bring not bothering to hide his gabbiness at the thought of finally being alone with Aaron. He’d been in his room for a few minutes when he heard the familiar sound of his phone beep in his pocket. He couldn’t help it as his smile grew as big as a Cheshire cats when he saw who it was from.

 

 

> A: Is this a date?

Roberts immediate answer was yes but the more he thought about if from Aarons point of view the more anxious he became about using that word.

 

 

> R: It’s whatever you want it to be.
> 
> A: Just a drink?
> 
> R: Just a drink but not here.
> 
> A: As in the woolpack.
> 
> R: Exactly.
> 
> A: So where are you taking me?
> 
> R: Guess you will have to wait and see ;)

When a reply didn’t immediately come back Robert locked his phone screen the grin he had earlier still on his face. With hours still to go before their ‘date’ and wanting to look his best for Aaron he headed for the bathroom where he spent the next few hours preening himself much to his sister’s annoyance.

“Are you ever gonna come out that bathroom?” Vic shouted up the stairs hopping from one leg to another her need to urinate becoming unbearable.

“Do ya know what forget it,” she mumbled to herself as she grabbed her coat and headed into work early tutting to herself that she had been banished from her own bathroom.

“Glad to see you haven’t locked yourself in the bathroom,” Vic grumbled when he met Aaron in the corridor at the back of the pub.

“Ya what?” Aaron said gruffly.

“Robert!” Vic cried,

“Been in there for hours.”

The news of Roberts preparations for their drink later that night made Aarons flush and the butterflies he’d been feeling earlier increased tenfold.

“He really does care about you ya know,” Vic assured him as she saw the unease cross his face.

“I know Vic.”

“And….” Vic waited rather impatiently with her hands on her hips.

“And what?” Aaron shrugged innocently to which Vic threw her hands in the air exasperated with the pair of them and called,

“Boys!” as he headed to the kitchen leaving a confused Aaron in her wake.

*

Robert checked himself in the mirror one final time, he’d chosen his outfit, smart but casual as he’d only been to the place he was planning on taking Aaron once before. Blue fitted jeans, grey knitted sweater and his ever present leather jacket finished off the look. He tweaked his hair again only delaying the inevitable as he gave himself one more look over and with a satisfied nod he headed out the room and towards Aaron, his heart drumming so loudly inside his chest he was surprised the whole village hadn’t heard it.

By the time he reached the back door to the pub it was 6.55pm, on one hand he didn’t want to seem too eager while on the other he didn’t want to be late either. He waited another agonising minute, taking several deep breaths trying to calm his racing heart. He’d done this before hadn’t he; picked Aaron up for a ‘date’ granted it had been in his car in secret and not from his doorstep so why was he so nervous. With sweaty hands he grabbed the knocker and gave it three short taps.

“Robert pet why are you knocking?” Diane asked in amazement when he opened the door to see her step son standing there.

“Oh erm.... Hi Diane I just erm....is Aaron in?” Robert asked stumbling over his words.

With that Robert heard his footsteps coming down the stairs and sighed with relief which was short lived however when he saw what Aaron his wearing.

“Oh right I'll erm leave ya to it then,” Diane chimed and leaning in a little closer to Aaron she whispered loud enough for Robert to hear,

“You look lovely pet.”

Robert mouth fell open as his eyes took in the blue suit Aaron had adorned for their ‘date’, he swallowed thickly his mouth suddenly dry and nodded his head in agreement because Aaron looked good, too good in fact as he looked down at his own attire feeling underdressed all of a sudden.

“Hi,” Aaron said first chewing the inside of his mouth wondering if he’d gone too far with his formal attire for the evening.

“You look.....”

“Overdressed,” Aaron grumbled as he saw Robert was in jeans, he knew the suit had been a bad idea.

“No!” Robert cried,

“You look…..” his eyes found Aaron who had turned to hear his voice,

“Perfect” he breathed and Aaron could feel the blood rush to his cheeks at Roberts words.  
Robert inhale sharply and said,

“I’ll be back in two secs.”

“What?” Aaron called confused as Robert walked away from him.

“Robert! Robert!”

“Two minutes,” Robert begged his palms pressed together as if he was praying and in a way he was, he never thought this day would come and now it had and to top it off he got Aaron in that suit.

He took the stairs two at a time and quickly changed into the suit that matched Aarons. He was ready in record time he hadn’t even took a second to glance in the mirror before racing back over to the pub.

“Thought you might have left,” Robert panted as he came to halt in front of Aaron who was not sat on the small wall besides the back door.

“The thought did cross my mind,” Aaron grumbled with a smile letting Robert know he wasn’t really mad and stood up.

“Hi,” Robert said copying Aarons earlier greeting.

Aaron turned beetroot red when he saw the reason for Roberts disappearance.

“Really?” he asked biting his lip standing up with his hands in his pockets in an attempt to hide his trembling limbs

“What? You don’t like it,” Robert quizzed innocently as he too placed his sweaty palms deep in his pockets.

Robert was now dressed in the maroon suit that matched Aarons blue one, the same suits they had been wearing on Christmas day when Aaron had finally realised he was falling for Robert and looking at him now, their bodies once again swaying in tandem he felt his heart open up to the possibility he might be falling again that was until the darkness reared its ugly head forcing his eyes away from Roberts and down to the floor.

“Hey you okay?” Robert asked as he noticed the change in Aarons gaze.

“Yep,” Aaron responded automatically,

“You driving?” he then asked to distract Robert from pushing him to tell him what was really wrong.

“Yep if that’s okay with you.”

“Sure,” Aaron shrugged and gestured with his elbow, his hands still shoved in his pockets.

“Lead the way,” Aaron said with a forced smile trying his best to leave the darkness behind.

*

As Robert drove them out of the village to where Aaron still wasn’t sure, he felt Roberts eyes on him once again.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Aaron laughed he earlier worry easing as it always did when he was alone with Robert.

Roberts face fell.

“Like what?” he questioned his eyes flitting between Aaron and the road.

“Like I'm the only person in the world.”

“I don't know how else to look at you,” Robert whispered not sure if Aaron heard him,

“Besides I’m just making sure you’re okay with this.”

“With what a drink?”

“That too,” Robert smirked as his eyes returned to the road.

*

Aaron stared up at the neon sign in amazement; he couldn’t take his eyes off it as he climbed out of the car.

“Really?” he asked when he felt the familiar spark in the air around him as Robert came to stand by his side.

He saw Robert shrug out the corner of his eye his main focus still on the building in front of them.

They both stood in silence letting the reality of the moment wash over them.

“Are you alright with this?” Aaron queried looking up through his eyelashes at Robert noticing for the first time the way Robert jaw was clenched even tighter than usual.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

Robert has chosen this place in particular to show Aaron just how serious he was not just about him but about what he’d said himself about finally accepting who he was he just hoped Aaron was ready, it was a bit different from the quite pub back in the village.

“Well it's just the last time we were here you....” Aaron started.

“Aaron you know I didn't mean any of that don't you, I mean that's not how I feel about them, about you.”

Aaron gnawed on his lip and nodded Robert had apologised for his outburst a hundred times but that wasn’t what Aaron had meant although the venom in his words still stung.

“Look if you’re not ready for this then we can just forget tonight okay?” Aaron stated knowing that walking into that bar would be a huge step for Robert and as much as he wanted him to take it he wasn’t going to push him into anything, he’d made that mistake before.

“What about you?”

“I’m fine with a drink at the Woolie,” Aaron shrugged but that’s not what Robert had meant, he wanted this night to be a proper date away from.

“We are not spending our first date back in Emmerdale,” Robert proclaimed.

Date? First date? Aarons could feel the blood rush to his face as he thought about those words, words he’d tried to push out of his mind but he’d known what tonight was why else would he have chosen to wear the damn suit. He bumped his shoulder into Roberts arm,

“Come on than ya muppet,” and took a step forward expecting Robert to follow him but when he was almost at the door he turned and saw Robert still stood in the same stop.

“Robert?”

“Yeah sorry,” Robert shook his head.

“Hey look it’s just a bar alright,” Aaron reassured him.

“One where they serve straight people too,” Robert bit out sarcastically.

“Yeah and gay people and whatever….” Aaron said his voice trailing off as he looked at the unease of the labels on Roberts face.

“Whatever I am?” Robert said quietly the harshness now gone as his eyes glistened over.

“Hey, you and me remember, screw what the rest of the world thinks wasn’t it?” Aaron reminded Robert with a light laugh.

Robert looked up and even though he didn’t much feel like it he smiled at Aaron as he remembered back to the time he’d said those exact words to him once in a drunken haze.

“Yeah it’s just you and me,” Robert agreed and Aarons returning smile lit up his whole face, Roberts heart swelled at the sight of it, whatever apprehension he was feeling washed away as he opened the door to Bar West and with his hand on the small of his back he guided Aaron inside.

“Well….” Robert gestured around the room once they were down the stairs,

“Aren’t you gonna get up on the table and dance with ya top off,” he asked Aaron in a feeble attempt of easing the remaining tension in himself giving Aaron his trademark smirk, the one that annoyed the hell out of him but at the same time set his heart racing.

Aaron rolled his eyes before his hand instinctively came across his body to hold his left arm, shielding his stomach, he knew Robert had been joking but the thought of taking his top of in front of anyone set his heart racing.

“Not sure anyone would wanna see that,” Aaron laughed sadly.

Roberts face found Aarons at the sadness in his voice and he couldn’t believe how insensitive he’d been. He wanted to scream _ME! I WOULD!_ but instead he mumbled,

“Sorry, this was a bad idea, sorry.”

“Hey,” Aaron said grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him towards the bar,

“The least you can do is buy me a drink, I did get dressed up for you after all.”

“Fair point; grab us a table then and I’ll bring em over, beer?” Robert assumed thankful Aaron hadn’t been put off by his stupid joke.

Aaron nodded and turned round he eyes roaming over the few spare tables and he almost laughed out loud when he found one close by.

“Really?” Robert asked placing two bottle of Bud on the table and sliding one over to Aaron.

“What?” Aaron protested his innocence as Robert took the seat opposite him.

“Nothing,” Robert said biting back a smile, he wasn’t sure if Aaron had done it on purpose or even if Aaron remembered but the table he’d chosen was the same one they had shared the first, and only, time Aaron had brought him there.

“Cheers,” Robert offered his bottle out to Aaron who gave him a half smile grabbing his matching bottle and clicking the neck of it against Roberts before bringing it to his lips, taking a large gulp.

Robert watched mesmerised by the way Aarons lips wrapped around the lip of the bottle, how his Adams apple bobbed up and then down as he swallowed.

“What?” Aaron scoffed as he felt his cheeks redden from Roberts gaze, the sound of Aarons voice pulled Robert out of his trace and he quickly averted his gaze as he took a sip of his beer.

As he placed the bottle back on the table he looked back up at Aaron and noticed for the first time the flushness of his cheeks.

“Look,” Robert huffed out the last thing he wanted was Aaron to feel awkward around him, they had done this a million times back in Emmerdale over the last few months so they knew it wasn’t that hard but still Robert suggested,

“Should we start over?”

“Seriously?” Aaron asked softly leaning forward slightly.

Robert nodded,

“You know how I feel about you so it won’t be the same as a real first date but…..”

“Give me your best chat up line then,” Aaron smirked interrupting him, the word date making him a little uneasy.

“Really?”

Aaron nodded the bottle at his lips again as he sat back and waited for Robert to speak. Robert wracked his brain for smiling as he thought of a line heard but never used.

“Can’t we just talk?”

“Chat up line first, talk later,” Aaron said placing his bottle back on the table giving Robert a little nod of encouragement followed by a satisfied smile as he watched Robert squirm.

“Fine,” Robert huffed shifting in his seat before clearing his throat.

Giving Aaron his award winning smile he said,

“Forget about Spiderman, Superman and Batman. I’ll be your man.”

“Seriously?! That’s the best you got, no wonder you’re single,” Aaron laughed taking another gulp from the bottle but the look that passed between them was enough to cause them both to blush.

“Aaron I…..”

“What we gonna talk about?” Aaron interjected before Robert got serious with him again.

“Work?” Robert offered feebly knowing Aaron wasn’t ready to hear another declaration of his love.

“You’ve been there every day this week you know what’s going on better than I do.”

“True,” Robert said a little embarrassed.

“About last night,” Robert started.

“Forget it,” Aaron dismissed Roberts words with the wave of his hand.

“Really?”

“You were drunk,” Aaron shrugged.

“Not that drunk and I didn’t mean that part,” Robert wasn’t giving up.

“Oh,” Aaron replied as he felt his cheeks blaze again.

“The sleeping part, it helps doesn’t it?”

“What does?” Aaron eyed Robert suspiciously missing the light hearted banter they’d had a moment ago.

“Being together,” Robert said simply.

Aaron couldn’t deny that even with its interruptions last night had been the best he’d slept in days.

“It could be like that every night if you wanted,” Robert breathed across the table.

“Robert….” Aaron didn’t know where Robert was going but he was scared to let him finish, the last thing he wanted was to hurt Robert when he knew he couldn’t open his heart like that again not when there was still the darkness from his father surrounding it.

“All I want is for you to be happy Aaron whatever that maybe, okay?”

Aaron didn’t know how to response so just nodded.

“Sorry too much for a first date eh?” Robert apologised then added,

“Drink?” when he noticed Aarons beer was empty.

“Please,” Aaron nodded and as Robert was about to leave the table Aaron muttered quietly,

“Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy,” the noise from the bar drowning him out so Robert had to ask,

“You say something?”

“Nothing,” Aaron lied with a sad smile and watched as Robert made his way to the bar.

He wanted to be happy with Robert, had even dreamt about it what it would be like during the affair but now, after everything he just felt like he didn’t deserve it. He pushed that dark thought from his mind and settled back on the stool. Tonight was about starting over or so Robert had said and perhaps if he let himself he might actually have a good time. He was fiddling with the label on his beer bottle, a sign of sexual frustration someone once told me, the thought making him scoff as he watched Robert return from the bar noticing the way the barman’s eyes followed him as he slid back on to his stool.

“Hey, you alright?” Robert asked noticing the pieces of shredded label scatter across the table.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said weakly and sat up a little straighter his earlier worries suddenly replaced by the tall brunette still eyeing up his date.

“Coke?” Aaron questioned when he saw Robert place the drinks down on the table.

“Driving remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Aaron said with a tip of his head wiping his hands on his thigh before reaching out for his beer,

“Thanks,” Aaron muttered as Robert handed him is beer and as their fingers brushed Aaron the shock of the connection travel up his arm leaving goose bumps in its wake and despite the heat of the bar he could feel the heat begin to rise on his cheeks.

They soon settled into lighter conversation as Aaron sipped his beer and Robert half-heartedly drank his soft drink. They talked about sports and cars and soon the talk turned to movies as Robert excitedly told Aaron about a new comic book movie coming out even showing him the trailer on his phone. Aaron wasn’t one for technology, his phone did nothing more than make or receive calls but Roberts was impressive, and as when the trailer finished Aaron promised,

“I’ll take you,” failing to see Roberts cheek flush as he pressed the home button handing the phone back only to pause his mouth falling open as he caught a glimpse of his own face in the background of the screen.

“What?” Robert asked before he realised what Aaron must have seen.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” he mumbled snatching the phone out of his hand and shoving it back in his pocket, taking a swig of his now flat drink to cover his embarrassment.

“It’s-it’s cute,” Aaron failed to hide his laugh.

“Can we just drop in now please,” Robert grumbled.

“Let me see,” Aaron badgered holding out his hand.

“Just leave it.”

“Jeez I’m only messing,” Aaron chuckled at Roberts annoyance.

“Fine,” Robert gave in and handed his phone back to Aaron unlocking it as he did.

Aaron studied the picture closely his eyes growing wider as he remembered when it was taken.

“You told me you deleted it,” Aaron blurted out.

“Yeah well…” Robert cleared his throat and pushed his hands through his hair.

“I lied,” before he added,

“Another?” indicating his eyes down to the bottle in Aarons hand.

“I’ll get it,” Aaron mumbled his eyes still glued to the picture on the screen.

“I asked you remember,” Robert winked as Aarons eyes flicked up briefly causing the almost permanent flush on Aarons face to intensify.

“Go on then,” Aaron said he eyes leaving the phone screen long enough to give Robert a shy smile.

After a moment Aaron peeled his eyes from the screen and followed Robert as he headed to back to the bar. The barman was there again obvious in his flirting even Aaron could see it from across the room but Robert seemed oblivious as he turned his eyes locking with Aarons as he headed back with Aarons drink.

“That guys been checking you out all night,” Aaron grumbled as he sat up when Robert.

“So,” Robert sat back and grinned, was Aaron jealous?

“So?”

Daringly Robert reached across the table and let his fingers brush the back of Aarons hand causing Aaron to chew on his lip as he understood what Robert was trying to say. So what if Robert was getting checked out, the only person he had eyes for, and hands apparently, was Aaron the thought making Aarons smile grow wider.

“So,” Robert repeated with a shy smile of his own.

“Wanna get out of here?” Aaron asked abruptly causing Robert to frown; did Aaron want to leave already?

“Move on or go for a drive,” Aaron flushed under his own boldness.

Robert knew Aarons new found attitude had something to do with the barman but he wasn’t about to let that stop him from enjoying the rest of his night with Aaron

“Erm….a drive sounds…err…good,” Robert agreed anxiously.

With that Aaron stood up and grabbed Roberts hand pulling him from his seat, the contact causing Robert to inhale sharply from the spark he felt at the connection, before smirking at the barman whose eyes were still trained on Roberts as they headed out the door. As soon as they were out of sight of the bar Aaron dropped Roberts hand not because he didn’t want to hold his hand, the opposite in fact, ever since seeing the picture of himself, the one Robert had taken of them one morning in bed, Aarons hair ungelled beard a little fuller, he’d wanted to reach out and touch him to finally close the distance between them, moving from friends to more but the darkness had stopped him, his father’s words repeating in his head _‘do you know how difficult it was to love you’_ words he knew now to be true because who could love someone like him. But the fact he knew he was unlovable and Robert still insisted he did love him didn’t stop him staring at Robert as they made their way back to the car. The tension he was now feeling between fighting the darkness and he need to reach out to him was almost too much to bear and he was thankful the walk was a short one.

The whole ride back to Emmerdale was filled with stolen glances the pair of them biting back the smiles that showed just how happy they were to be in each other’s company.

Robert pulled the car over just before they got back into the village. Aaron didn't fail to notice the significance of the lay-by Robert had chosen.

“Everything alright?” Aaron asked as Robert killed the engine.

“Yeah just don't wanna go home yet....unless you do,” Robert panicked he'd misread the early signals.

Aaron shook his head and licked his lips before asking his voice shaking with nerves,

“Do-do you wanna go for a walk?”

Robert cricked his neck to look out up window at the heavy clouds but not ready for Aaron to leave he agreed with a nod of his head.

And just as they stepped outside of car the first drop of rain fell but neither of them seemed to notice or care each satisfied to be in that place at that time at that moment, with each other, together.

“It’s okay to be okay you know that right,” Robert said the loudness of his voice startling Aaron as they strolled along the grass verge.

Aaron snorted, how did he do that? Robert always seemed to know exactly what Aaron was thinking without him having to say anything. Aaron didn’t feel like he deserved to be okay after everything which was why he was so confused because with Robert he did feel okay, more than okay, in fact he felt like he could be happy if he just let go all the pain and the hurt and the sadness.

“How?” Aaron asked as he finally voiced his biggest fear,

“What…..what if I can’t get past it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The darkness,” Aaron whispered the tremble in his voice made Robert want to wrap his arms around him and never let him go but he stayed still knowing Aaron hadn’t finished.

“What if I can’t get past the darkness?”

“Aaron,” Robert breathed out but Aaron couldn’t bring himself to meet Roberts gaze knowing if he did the tears he’d been holding back since climbing out of the car would begin to flow and he wasn’t sure they’d stop.

“Hey look at me,” Robert demanded softly.

Aaron turned his head even further away from before slowly bring his eyes up to meet Roberts.

“You are the strongest person I know. What he did to you doesn’t define you are you are more than that, so much more.”

“Yeah right,” Aaron scoffed as he brushed away his tears with the back of his hand a hand that when it returned to his side Robert slipped his own inside intertwining their fingers and placing a delicate kiss on Aarons knuckles he whispered,

“So much more,” before pulling him along continuing their late night stroll in the rain.

After a while when he felt the rain become heavier and Aaron started to shiver Robert began confession a secret of his own.

“Aaron I.....”

“I know you love me,” Aaron laughed sadly, it had almost become a little joke between them since that dark day in January Robert had said it that many times.

Aaron wasn't making light of Roberts feelings he knew in Roberts heart that he meant it Aaron just wasn't sure he was ready to open up like that to him again.

“No,” Robert retorted.

Aaron came to an abrupt halt the reason he'd been able to get through the last few months was knowing that Robert loved him and now he was saying he didn't. Robert felt Aarons hand leave his as he carried on moving forward, the loss of contact caused a cold shiver to run down his spine like Aarons hand in his was a fire and without he'd always feel cold.

“Aaron Aaron what's is it what's wrong?”

“You don't....” Aaron couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence he was starting to shiver and wrapped his arms around himself.

Aaron eyes glistened in the moonlight as Robert wracked his brain trying to remember what he'd just said,

“No!!” Robert cried closing the distance between them with one quick stride,

“I mean yes! Of course I do!”

“But you said…” Aaron mumbled.

“Aaron look at me please,” Robert begged but Aaron shook his head.

“Look at me.”

The need Aaron heard in his voice dragged his eyes up to Roberts.

“I do Aaron I do love you but that wasn't what I was trying to say.”

“Oh,” Aaron puffed out in relief, he didn’t know what he would do if Robert didn’t love him, it was the one thing he could rely on, the only thing that kept him going on his worse days.

“What I wanted to say was that for a long time well ever since I can remember I've felt out of place.”

Aaron knew exactly what he meant.

“But then I met you,” Robert breathed the smile on his face growing as Aaron eyed him curiously wondering where this little speech was going.

“And it was like I'd finally found the missing piece of me, for the first time in my life I fitted somewhere not just anywhere, I fitted with you.”

“I know it took too long for me to accept it but I have and just wanted you to know that being with you Aaron, like this,” he interlocked their fingers together and the heat he'd felt earlier radiated up his arm and across his body making him sigh with relief,

“It feels right.”

Robert tentatively closed the gap between them, his hand coming up to cradle Aarons face who let out a sigh as he leant into the warm touch. Roberts blue eyes searched Aarons seeking his permission his tongue flicking out to wet his rain covered lips and all it takes in a slight incline of his head for him to slowly close the remaining distance between them. He let his lips brush Aarons so lightly that he hardly felt it yet for a brief moment it set his world of fire and despite the desire he felt igniting the world around him he pulled back to look in Aarons deep blue eyes inhaling deeply breathing him in because if this was the last time he'd ever get to be this close to kiss him he wanted to remember every single detail.

His tousled chocolate brown hair, his strong arched eyebrows that curved as a natural extension of his broad rounded nose. His dark thick eyelashes framing his dark hypnotic eyes, eyes that made his knees go weak, eyes that shone with light just like his soul. His round supple cheeks and of course the ever present blush that often adorned them especially in his presence a betrayal to the scowl he so often wore. His square jaw obscured slightly by his neatly trimmed stubble, stubble that Robert wanted to once again feel under his fingertips.

“I’ll always love you,” Robert promised as he turned and took hold of Aarons hand again giving it a reassuring squeeze in the hopes the contact would calm his now rapidly beating heart.

Aarons smiled and pressed the fingers of his free hand to his lips, he could still feel the ghost of Roberts lips on his igniting a desire inside him he’d thought abandoned him long ago.

“You’re shivering,” Robert pointed out with a shy smile not knowing how Aaron felt about his kiss.

“It’s raining,” Aaron exclaimed but that wasn’t the only reason for the shaking of his body.

“Come on,” Robert said shrugging his damp jacket off and wrapping it around Aarons shoulder much to his objections.

“I’ll take you home,” Robert added even though it was the last thing he wanted to do he also wasn’t about to push Aaron any more than he already had.

*

As they drove into the village the tension between them seemed to build to a crescendo and as Robert pulled up outside Keepers Cottage and turned the engine off, the air around them seemingly sizzled with anticipation. It was Robert who made the first move to exit the car and ran around to open the door for Aaron once again making the redness on Aarons cheeks blaze to life.

They walked down the garden path in silence each lost in their own thoughts, hands shoved deep in pockets elbows brushing against one another’s, each of them sneaking a quick glance when the other wasn’t looking. Aarons licked his lips and could still taste Robert even though he’d hardly touched them before pulling away. Before they knew it they were stood outside the front door and as Robert turned to face Aaron the rain falling steadily now, neither of them noticing as Roberts eyes found Aarons whose hands moving even deeper into his pockets to hide the fact they were beginning to sweat again despite the rain inhaling sharply as his eyes adjusted to the night around them.

“So………are you going home?” Robert asked his body mimicking Aarons involuntary sway as he spoke remembering back to a time when Aaron has said the same words to him wearing the exact same suit.

Aaron swallowed at the question he too was reminded of that day so long ago when the possibility of more passed between them just like it was now as he looked up into Roberts blue eyes, eyes that sparkled in the night sky. Perhaps that’s what he needed to bring him out of his impending darkness, after all Robert had been is shining pillar of hope over the last few months reassuring him at his weakest moments that he was loved. Looking at him now still standing in the rain just so he could spend a minute longer with Aaron he felt the love that Robert was offering still lingering on his lips. He knew he was staring but he couldn’t take his eyes off Roberts as the static that surrounded them danced across his rain soaked skin. It was Robert once again who finally took the last step closing the distance between them, the rain had flattened his hair and soaked through his white shirt so much so that when Aaron flicked his eyes down he could see the pinkish outline of Roberts nipples, the sight making him lick his lips in anticipation before nervously dragging his bottom lip in between his teeth. Being this close to him he could see the water gathering on Roberts blonde eyelashes not sure if it was from the gently falling rain or something else but he had to find out.

“Are you crying,” he breathed out making Robert sigh as he felt Aarons warm breath blow across his face now so close to his.

Robert tilted his head slightly and replied honestly,

“Maybe a little.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared that if I step through that door I’ll never see you again.”

“Robert.”

“Aaron,” Robert groaned in response, his body ached to close the remaining distance between them but he’d told himself he wouldn’t do that not until Aaron was ready and he prayed to God that Aaron was ready because he didn’t know what he’d do if he had to pull back now.

Even through the rain Aaron could feel the heat from Roberts skins causing a different kind of heat to rush through his veins. He watched as a drop of rain, no a tear, definitely a tear, ran down from Roberts left eye leaving a wet trail along his cheek and down to his lips, lips that Aaron wished he would press against his but he knew that Robert was waiting for him to make the first move which he would be forever grateful for. His heart was hammering in his chest making him dizzy so much so he had to place his hand on Roberts chest just for the support and to his surprise under the wet fabric he felt Roberts rapidly beating heart matched his own.

Trying to calm his erratic breathing Aaron remained as still as possible his hand pressing firmly into Roberts chest, after everything he was scared to let Robert in again but he knew there was never really a choice when it came to him. No one ever knew what Aaron was thinking, he’d mastered the impassive slightly pissed off look a long time ago and he’d been just fine with that until Robert. Everything they had been through, from their first kiss all those months ago to that night when Robert had been there when no one else had and all the fights and make ups in between, they had both known there was no going back not then, not now, not ever.

Despite the downpour Aarons hands had begun to sweat and as he blew out the breath he’d been holding his voice barely above a whisper when as finally spoke.

“Hold still,” Aaron breathed out.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert reassured him breathing the words across Aarons skin but did as Aaron instructed even though ever fibre in his body was screaming with the need to grab hold of Aaron and never let him go.

His patience was rewarded soon enough as Aaron took the final tentative step leaving little room between the pair as they continued to stare into each other’s eyes their mouths so close it was like they were breathing each other in. Aarons gaze dropped to Roberts lips chewing nervously on his own before brushing his tongue along his wetting them automatically, the sight of his tongue caused Robert to moan slightly dragging Aarons eyes back to his. As Aarons piercing eyes pulled him in closer Roberts own eyes fluttered shut and all he could hear was the blood rushing through his body as he felt Aarons soft lips press into to his ever so slightly he could almost be dreaming. The kiss was soft and tender and it was as if nothing else existed in the world apart from the two of them in that moment as Robert almost achingly resisted the urge to deepen it letting Aaron set the pace.

Aaron withdrew his lips with a gasp, his breathing shallower now as desire burned through his body. Robert brought his hands up, hands that had been balled into fists at his sides in an attempt to stop them reaching out at Aarons earlier instruction to hold still. As soon as he felt Aarons lips on his he lost all control and as Aaron pulled back his hands found their way to the Aarons waist and pulled him flush against his body, his blue eyes hopefully searching Aarons asking for permission which Aaron granted by lifting his hand up to cradle the back of Roberts neck, once again wetting his lips involuntary causing Roberts earlier groan to return as he breathed out his name,

“Aaron.”

Aarons hands draw Roberts head closer as Roberts right hand travelled up the length of Aarons body to gently caress his cheek wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

“Why are you crying?” Robert asked softly pulling back slightly to look deep into Aarons eyes.

“Because….” Aaron whispered,

“This feels….”

“Right,” Robert breathed with a small smile before dropping his head down to so their lips met once again but this time it was heavier more passionate, as their lips press together time after time.

All that could be heard was ragged breathing as Roberts traced his tongue along Aarons bottom lip sighing at the familiar taste of Aaron. As Aaron finally let Robert in their tongues danced across each other’s bringing a lustful heat around them blocking out the cold wetness of the evening. The question he’d asked Aaron earlier ran through his mind as Aaron warmth invading him making him feel like for the first time in a very long time he belonged somewhere, that in that moment his arms wrapped around Aaron their lips pressed thought that he was in fact home. This time it was Robert who withdraw first pulling back searching Aarons face for any sign that he’d pushed too far but the shy smile creeping across Aarons lips and the redness that followed reassured him he hadn’t.

The pure adoration in Roberts expression as he pulled back caused Aarons face to burn, and he told himself he was finally ready to accept Robert words wholeheartedly.

“Say it again,” Aaron softly begged.

Robert adjusted his stance in an attempt to move even closer to Aaron his hands came around and took hold of his face, his eyes holding Aarons for a moment as if bearing his soul to him, he let the three words fall out of his mouth, three words he’d been so afraid of once upon a time but now the truth behind those words had become his entire reason for existence.

“I love you.”

Aaron lips turned up in a brief but shy smile his teeth pull his bottom lip into his mouth as his did so his eyes never leaving Roberts and for the first time he felt the true weight of the words in his chest making it hard for him to breath,

“I…” Aaron started but was stopped by Roberts long finger pressing against his lips.

“You don’t have to say it,” Robert told him even though he wanted nothing more than to hear Aaron say those words.

“I can…..”

“You’ve waited long enough,” Aaron interrupted in a whisper his eyes locked with Roberts as he took a deep breath and pushing the darkness away once and for all, he opened his heart to the man in front of him, the man he loved.

Aaron stood on his tiptoes his lips brushing Roberts ear, his voice deep with a serious tone, as he whispered,

“I love you Robert.”

“Aaron,” Robert choked back a cry as he pulled him in cradling him against his chest.

“So are you going home,” Robert asked again as the droplets grew bigger around them.

Aaron sighed as he looked up at Robert unwilling to break the connection between them but knowing he’d have to eventually. Bracing himself with on hand on Roberts chest he stepped back and craned his neck to look over his shoulder at the pub across the road. Nodding to himself he turned his attention back to Robert and pushed the front door to Keepers Cottage open, the place where he’d spent an eternity with Robert, a place where he truly felt free. His hand reached out and intertwined Roberts fingers with his giving him a reassuring squeeze and with a smile that melted Roberts heart his whispered,

“I guess I am,” before pulling them both through the door.

**Author's Note:**

> A special thank you goes to my trash mouth, this story wouldn't have been possible without her beautiful headcannons on tumblr!! So thank you Henrietta!


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